My body tells me ‘no’!
But i won’t quit ’cause i want more.
First and foremost- happy late birthday to myself. 24 doesn’t feel any different than 23. Except for the fact that i’m going to be 25.
20-freakin’-5.
That’s pretty scary, actually.
It hasn’t stopped raining for the past almost three days, but i think it’s been delightful.
Laura, Sarah, Erica, and Mayra came over on the night of my birthday to celebrate with me. I made spaghetti, meatballs, garlic and cheese bread, and salad, while Laura brought her famous 7-layer dip that i love so much and a bottle of this deliciously sweet red wine. Erica made fruit salad, and Mayra made deviled eggs and was lovely enough to buy me a birthday cheesecake with strawberry topping- which was amazing. By the end of the night, i was ready to have a food baby. After dinner we just sat around and watched the Spurs game and a little of ‘Next Friday’, which never gets any less hilarious. Overall, it was a great birthday. I love those girls.
So, i finished up my first week at UIW. That school is definitely something else. I can honestly say i have not met ONE rude person there. Including the teachers. Everyone’s happy and friendly, and just having a grand ole time. I’ve also discovered a few gems; breakfast is an all-you-can-eat buffet and lunch has vegetarian and vegan cuisine, (as well as international). The campus dj’s can always be found hanging around somewhere with their turntables- their latest favorite is the Tron soundtrack, which they play at the highest possible volume they’re allowed without disturbing the classes in the other buildings. Comfortable, squishy chairs or benches can be found lined along the hallways of every building so no one has to actually ‘stand around’ when waiting for a class to open. There’s a shuttle service for those people who are too lazy to walk from one side of campus to the other- though i’ve found the 5-10 minute walk from my car to the buildings has been significanly beneficial. And perhaps one of the best perks- my UIW ID can get me everything from free trips to the McNay and various other places, to discounted movie tickets and $5 Spurs tickets. So yea, it’s been a pretty sweet experience so far. I’m already swamped with homework and pulled my first all-nighter on only the 3rd day of class to write a paper for Gospel. But it seems this school has changed my motivation level because i actually do all the reading and my homework in advance- like it’s fun or something. But i suppose to a certain extent, it is. I appreciate the fact i’m able to attend that school.
“There has to be a moment at the beginning when you wonder whether you’re in love with the person or in love with the feeling of love itself. If the moment doesn’t pass, that’s it- you’re done. And if the moment does pass it never goes that far. it stands in the distance, ready for whenever you want it back. Sometimes it’s even there when you thought you were searching for something else, like an escape route, or your lover’s face.”
“‘I imagine you saved my life. And then i wonder if i’m just imagining it.’”
“‘I was still trying to impress you, and i still wanted to be impressed by you, so i could pass along pieces of your impressiveness in stories to my friends, convincing myself this was possible. ‘If you were a country,’ i said, ‘what would your national anthem be?’ I meant a pre-existing song- “What a Wonderful World” or “Que Sera, Sera” or something ot make it a joke, like “Hey Ya!” (“I would like, more than anything else, for my nation to be shaken like a Polaroid picture.”)’”
Alright, look:
I’m a decent person. I’m good. I try to see the best in things and i never panic, because i know things will always end up okay.
However, one of my main flaws, is that i only have a limited amount of patience. Lord knows, i wish i were blessed with more, but unfortunately, i kind of take after my mother on that trait.
On the other hand, i usually consider myself to have a great deal of faith. In things and in people. And i can be a very understanding person. Really, it takes a lot to freak me out. Though, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t judge anyone, but i really only save that judging eye for the shady people.
What i’m trying to say here, is that please, please- if i know you- don’t ever give me a reason to lose my faith in you. If i have that regard for you, it’s for a reason. And if i’m losing my faith in you, that means you had to have done or be doing something terribly, terribly wrong.
Unfortunately, i’ve allowed myself to get much closer to someone than i should’ve. And right now, it’s looking bleak. I don’t like the way i feel or the person i become when my belief in you wavers. So much so, that i’m coming close to closing those doors. I’ve waited on you, and i’ve given you chance after chance- and now i’m just starting to lose that little bit of hope that i’ve managed to build up for you.
If you have something to say, please tell me.
“Excuse me,” said she, “and be assured that I meant no offence to you, by speaking, in so quiet a way, of my own feelings. Believe them to be stronger than I have declared; believe them, in short, to be such as his merit, and the suspicion — the hope of his affection for me may warrant, without imprudence or folly. But farther than this you must not believe. I am by no means assured of his regard for me. There are moments when the extent of it seems doubtful; and till his sentiments are fully known, you cannot wonder at my wishing to avoid any encouragement of my own partiality, by believing or calling it more than it is. In my heart I feel little — scarcely any doubt of his preference.”
Every week, i paint my nails a different color; so to ring in the new year, i’ve painted them gold- because i feel like 2011 is going to be absolutely golden.
The end of 2010 has brought me tremendous possibility.
I was accepted into the school i’ve been dying to get into. I’m so glad to finally be a Cardinal…and finally on the road to graduation. My one goal to accomplish here, is to do well enough to make it into Delta Mu Delta. I’m sure this will require a great shift in my level of apathy, but i think i’ll be able to do it.
And after a very, very long time, i think i’m finally making a breakthrough on the ‘love life’ front. Though, i wouldn’t call it ‘love’. Right now everything is still tiny and a little fragile, but it’s there. It’s a possibility. And no matter how it turns out, i’m still thankful for it, because i feel like it may have saved me. That little glimmer of something…it’s made me happier than i’ve been in a really long time. And whether it’s completely wrong or surprisingly right, i don’t know where i’d be without it. So, to you…thanks for sticking around.
And lastly- and maybe most importantly- my mum’s stayed sane all year. So i’m really, really thankful for that. I just hope that’s one thing that sticks around come the new year.
2010- You’ve been fairly good to me. Farewell.
2011- (though you start off with two doctors appointments, and what i’m sure is going to be a somewhat stressful and LONG school orientation), I look forward to our future together.
The story’s far from over.
Cheers.
December 21st- i finally got the call telling me that i made it into UIW. My mother told me she was proud of me. I’ve never been so excited to hear about school. Now i’m just worried about financial aid.
Yesterday- Was that a date-ish non-date? Cause it felt like it. But it was nice.
It would’ve been nicer if i could just feel some of those damn butterflies everyone talks about.
Whatever happens, happens.
I’m in between a transition. I just don’t know what kind or where i’m headed.
But it’s almost a new year. All i can say is;
cheers to the future.
