It’s been 15 years to the day that i last saw you. It was one of the worst days of my life, and i know it always will be. Something in me changed that day- something that’s one of my best kept secrets. I wish you could’ve stuck around a little longer- long enough to have spent more time with my sister and to see us grow up. It’s so unfair that she can’t quite remember how great you were; what you smelled like, the taste of your scrambled eggs, to watch you sit on the porch with a beer in one had and a cigarette in the other and just enjoy the day with Bear by your side, a trip to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal, or even to experience the bliss of a freshly made up couch, with cold sheets, a pillow, and the cartoons bouncing about the television screen all day. I miss everything about you- and i know my dad does, too. Very, very much. I see him hurt everyday and it kills me. And i know he’d do just about anything to see you, but i’m selfish and i need him here with me for a while longer.
So, if there’s a way that you’re able to see us right now- i hope you’re not too disappointed. And please, give my dad a sign that says you’re watching over us and that he shouldn’t feel so alone, or stressed, or unhappy.
I miss you.
I love you.
Say hi to grandma for me.
Kikita.
